Awoken by the sound of crying babies, I shuffled into the nursery and got my baby guys out of their cribs. As I passed Miss 3's room, I saw her playing with her trains on the floor.
"Put some panties on before you come downstairs," I called to her.
I made my way downstairs, closing the gate at the bottom, and got comfortable on the couch with the boys for our morning nursing session. We'd barely begun when Miss 3 got to the bottom of the stairs and started rattling the gate and asking me to come open it for her.
I glanced over and saw that she was still naked. "Go back up to your room and put some panties on. Then I will open the gate for you," I said groggily.
She did not like that answer. She started whining. I stood my ground and firmly restated my position. Miss 3 screamed, "No, just open the gate!" The boys were utterly distracted. Our nursing session was not going to happen until this issue was resolved.
I wanted to storm over there and backhand her. I wanted to yell, "Just do what you're told!" I did neither of those things. I sat quietly and gathered my thoughts, because if you don't have something nice to say, you shouldn't say anything at all.
I thought, it's too early for this. I haven't had breakfast yet. I haven't had caffeine yet.
All the while Miss 3 was screaming, "Mommy just talk to me!"
I thought, it's too early for her, too. She hasn't had breakfast yet. She hasn't hugged her mommy, yet.
So I got up, walked over to her, and hugged her. She calmed down pretty quickly. Then I said, "I have some panties right here in the diaper bag. You wanna put these on so you can play in the living room with your brothers?" She complied. Problem solved.
Positive parenting is not permissive parenting. I still enforced the rule. Positive parenting is choosing peace over violence. It is choosing connection over isolation. It is respecting the power of unconditional positive regard.
I do not always get it right. Frankly, I often get it wrong. But I need to remember the moments that I get it right so that next time I am in the midst of a toddler tantrum, I can look back and say to myself, "You did it right that time. You can do it right this time, too."
