Comfort vs. Cry It Out

You can read a hundred articles on sleep training, but you shouldn't do that. It would drive you bonkers. There is no consensus. There are articles written by psychologists about the lasting harm of sleep training, and there are articles written by psychologists refuting them. There are organizations devoted to natural parenting and teaching soothing techniques, and there are pediatricians who offer step by step sleep training instructions. Just like most things with parenting, no one really knows what they're doing. 

In an ideal world, every baby would be rocked to sleep, and if that baby woke up in the middle of the night, he would be rocked back to sleep. Even if it took hours. Even if that baby needed to be held all night. That baby would et all the comfort he wanted. Futhermore, these tasks would not always be the mom's responsibility. Grandparents and aunts and uncles would be around to help. 

But we don't live in that world. We live miles away from our parents. And we have to get up in the morning for work. And our parents are still working. And our aunts and uncles are all working miles away from us. We live as little nuclear families who are utterly worn out from trying to get our babies to go to sleep. 

I'm not going to tell you what's best, because no one knows. I'm just going to tell you what works for my family. 

When the boys started sleeping in the crib, I nursed them to sleep one at a time. This worked most of the time, because I usually had another adult around who could watch Miss Two and the other baby while I was nursing. 

When helpful adults were around less frequently, I had to get creative. I would put one baby in a portacrib and put Miss Two in her room so I could nurse a baby to sleep. Ah but my smart readers, you can already see that this is not the optimal solution. Sure a toddler in her room can't climb on the kitchen counter and play with the knives, but she can still take her panties off and poop on the floor right in front of the door so that when you open said door, poop gets smeared everywhere. Plus whichever baby is in the portacrib waiting for his turn to nurse to sleep is also screaming bloody murder. This means that you are rushing to put the first baby to sleep. And you end up moving him to the crib before he is deeply asleep. And he wakes up crying. But you've already started nursing the second baby. And now no one is sleeping and there's poop on the floor. 

I did that nonsense for months. I really didn't want to give up the sweetness of nursing my babies to sleep. But now we have a better system. 

Now when it is naptime or bedtime, and my boys are rubbing their eyes, I put them both in the crib at the same time. I say, "Good night sweet babies!" or "Take a nice nap!" while I rub their backs for a moment. Then I leave the room and watch them on the camera for ten minutes. Usually they will fuss for a little while and then Little Guy will suck his thumb and go to sleep, and Big Guy will bury his face in his little monkey-blankie-toy-thing and go to sleep. 

I go back into the nursery if: 

• the fussing lasts longer than ten minutes
• the fussing becomes full on crying
• one of them gets a limb stuck between the bars of the crib

When I go back in, if they are both awake, I will tandem nurse them and then put them back in the crib and start over. If only one of them is awake, I might nurse him to sleep, or I might leave him in the crib and rub his back until he goes to sleep. 

You might be thinking to yourself, It makes sense to do this at nap times when you are home alone with the kids, but at bedtime, isn't your husband usually home? Can't he watch two kids while you nurse a baby to sleep? Yes. We did this for a long time. But it is not optimal. You still run the risk of having to listen to one baby cry downstairs while you are nursing his brother to sleep, which leads to the rushing of the first baby's nursing session, and the moving to the crib before he is deeply asleep, and the waking up and crying, etc. Before you know it, you've spent an hour and a half taking turns nursing one baby back to half-sleep while the other baby cries in the crib. 

Plus, consistency is good for kids. Nap times and bedtime should be similar. So I stopped all that nonsense. I put my kids in the crib at the same time. No preferential treatment. No hour and half long bedtimes. No neglecting the toddler in the middle of the day. 

When the boys wake up in the middle of the night, I still nurse them back to sleep. And I soak up all those sweet snuggles.

This is what works for us. It took 8 months for us to figure it out. I hope you and your family figure it out sooner, and I hope you all get some sleep. 

I Can See the Finish Line!

We are two thirds of the way through with the year of three under three! The twins are 8 months old, and my daughter is two-and-a-half. This is the sweet spot. Let me give you a snapshot of life in the McGuire house.

Abilities
The boys can sit up, crawl, and pull up to a standing position. Big Guy can easily transition back and forth between these positions, but Little Guy still needs some help. They love to sit outside in their wagon and just look around or follow me and Husband all over the house.

They also love to pull up on our ottoman. We have a storage ottoman that we use as a toy chest. The tops of the ottoman are cushions on one side and trays on the other (Kind of like this), so we put baby toys on the trays, and the boys enjoy standing there and playing. New abilities and new ways for them to be entertained means everyone is happier.

The only downside to their mobility is that I can no longer load/unload the dishwasher when they are awake. They climb all over that janx.

Miss Two is almost entirely potty trained now. She has accidents maybe twice a week. The most inconvenient ones are in the carseat. I need to get some piddle pads or something. But most of the time she tells us when she needs to use the potty. 

She's also started to dress herself. It's pretty cute. Basically everything is backward. But we should never do for kids what they believe they can do for themselves. So I usually let her dress herself, and I pretend that it is saving us time.

Nursing
We can tandem nurse again! We went through a very sad period of time (~4 to 7 months old) where the boys were too big for the breast friend nursing pillow, and too small to just sit next to me and nurse. I tried a regular boppy pillow, and sometimes they would tandem nurse on that. Usually though, I nursed one while the other cried. It was pitiful. 

But now! At the glorious 8 month mark! The boys can hold themselves up, and we happily tandem nurse on the couch or on the daybed in their nursery at night. It's lovely. I spend much less time nursing. 

Sleeping
Everyone's favorite baby topic. When oh when will they sleep through the night!?!? 

I keep my boys in their crib from 7pm to 6:30 or 7 am. Little Guy usually wakes up twice to nurse. Big Guy usually wakes up once. Some nights it's scattered, and I feel like I'm constantly putting a baby back to sleep. Other nights they wake up at the same time, and we have a pleasant 15 minute nursing session before they go back in the crib. 

I wish I was getting longer chunks of sleep, but I think my boys still need these night time feedings. They are not very good at eating solids, yet.

Solids
I'm not a fan of rice cereal and jar food. As much as possible, I wanted to do baby-led-solids. Essentially, I wanted to give them the same foods we were eating. Sometimes they do really well with this. They can eat green beans and watermelon like little pros. Usually, though, more food ends up on the floor than in their bellies. This is fine when I'm around, because I can just nurse them after meals. 

Husband likes jar food. It's messy and fun and adorable, and it's a sure-fire way to fill their bellies. The boys will take bottles, but they never seem to drink much from a bottle. So when Husband has the kids by himself, he spoon feeds them the mushy stuff. 

The Mom Life
All of the time I'm saving by tandem nursing is now spent cleaning floors and high-chairs. Gotta maintain a safe environment for the little crawlers. Fortunately they enjoy watching me vacuum, and Miss Two likes to swiffer the kitchen floor.

I do find time to exercise. Husband is supportive of this endeavor. He likes a happy wife. It helps that I usually make time to exercise when the kids are sleeping. Jogging during the Saturday morning nap and then coming home to waffles is exactly what I want every weekend to look like. I have another mom friend who goes to the gym in the morning before her husband goes to work. I like the idea of this, but her kids sleep through the night whereas mine do not. Alas. Maybe in 2016 that can be my routine. 

I also find time to write and read and spend time with my lady friends. I even started working part-time (usually only 6 hours per week) as an in-home counselor. All of this is possible because of my supportive husband. He thinks it's only fair, since I watch the kids while he works, and sometimes work sends him out of town. Plus I try not to schedule my things for times when he would rather be watching football. 

I also schedule time for myself and Husband to be alone together. This is essential. If I were out doing my own thing all the time and ignoring him, he would not be happy. So we have a date night just about every other week while my lovely sister watches the kids. 

Life is so beautiful right now. The chaos of the newborn age is a distant memory. There's more chaos in our future, though. I know it. When these boys start walking, my whole life will change. But maybe by then they'll also be sleeping? Pretty please? 

A Few of my Favorite Things

Getting out of the house with no other adult help is tricky if you have a small child. It's near impossible if you have more than one small child. But it's worth it! Think about it. While you are transporting the kids somewhere, no one is climbing on you! When you get to a place, the kids are looking around at all the new interesting things or playing with other kids, and you don't have to be their source of entertainment! Oh and sometimes there are other adults around to talk to. It's pretty great. 

You don't have to be stuck at home. Here are some of the things that helped me get out of the house with Miss Two and the Baby Guys. 

1. The Maxpedition Kodiak Gearslinger 

This is my diaper bag. It's expensive, and it might look like overkill, but this bag is the single best purchase I ever made. It won't slide off your shoulders when you're bending down to pick up kids or tie shoes, because it only has the one across-your-chest strap. In fact, it's made so that you don't even have to take the bag off to access all your stuff. You can sling the bag around to the front of your body to get a wipe for that snot bubble that's about to pop. And no more fishing around for keys! There's a convenient hook on the strap for that. 

This bag has more awesome features than I could possibly list. And I know it's going to last me a long time, because my husband bought one four years ago for wearing while he rides his motorcycle. He doesn't ride the motorcycle everyday, but he does use the bag everyday, and his still looks brand new. 

2. The Triple Wagon 

My daughter never was particularly fond of the stroller. She would sometimes tolerate it, but many trips to the park ended with me pushing an empty stroller while carrying a toddler. What she did love to ride in, and what it seems to me that all children want to ride in, was a red wagon that her grandparents had. She would sit in that wagon as long as they would let her, and she was happy to ride around the neighborhood in it. 

So when I found out I was pregnant with the twins, I knew a double or triple stroller was not for us. I asked for a triple wagon instead. (Thanks Babo and Dado!) The boys weren't able to use it until they could sit up on their own, of course, but now we use it just about every day. The kids pass toys around, Miss Two gives her brothers kisses, and they generally are entertained by each other and their surroundings while they are safely strapped in to the wagon. I can also fold the handle underneath the body and toss it into the bag of my van easy peasy. 

One last anecdote about the wagon: The boys are so happy to just sit in it, that we were able to do a spontaneous ice-cream trip as a family. Miss Two does not eat ice-cream quickly. We sat at a picnic table with the boys playing happily in the wagon next to us for an hour. My husband was in shock. 

3. A Picnic Blanket

Before the boys were mobile, the picnic blanket was my favorite baby item. The guys did tummy time in the shade while Miss Two played on the playground. It was peaceful and lovely and not at all something I thought about when I only had one kid. One baby can be picked up and carried around easily. When you have two babies, you need a home base for baby placement. Hence, picnic blanket. 

4. ARCpark 

This isn't a baby gear item. This is a huge, wonderful, entirely wheelchair accessible park. Wheelchair accessible means wagon accessible, my friends! I can follow Miss Two anywhere she wants to go, even to the top of the treehouse, pulling the boys along behind me in the wagon. ARCpark is my new happy place.

I know it will get trickier when all of my kids want to run in different directions. I'll probably spend a lot of time in the backyard until I figure out the logistics of taking three toddlers somewhere. Until then, I'm making the most of this phase of my life and getting out of the house with the kids as often as I can.